Won't be talking about books nor clothes. Just want to share my current thoughts regarding my life right now. This started in June 8, 2015 ,yup, that is my first day as a college student, and since then, I've never met real happiness again. Simply because, I had regretted all my decisions in choosing what path to take, more like, what university to enter. I ended up entering a college which is a three-hour travel time away from my home. In short, I'm forced to stay in a dormitory. I know that I'm extremely blessed to afford college, and I'm thankful for that, knowing that many don't have the financial capability to go. But again, I'm not being a brat or a rebel. But being away from my family is something I'm not ready for, I know that I'll be away someday for work, but as early as college ? That's different. I tried opening this  matter to my sisters, joking around that I would like to transfer school, but nothing happened. All of them said it's just homesickness weighing me down. I tried discussing it with my boyfriend too, but he eventually got tired of listening to my dilemma, because I am basically crying over the phone whether it's a weekday night at my dorm, or a weekend night with me not wanting to go back to the dormitory or go to school the following day. This issue causes me to skip class. My sisters aren't like me, they are strong, they survived college in dormitories. In my case, I spend my college days sleeping, reading or just lying down on my bed at nights. rejecting any kinds of invitations from my friends to go out, simply because I made a very few number of friends in college. They're enjoying their life at its finest by going out after class, I envy them for that. I kept praying to have this courage and strength to pursue the track where I am in now, but nothing changes. This life event made a really good job on putting a very big hole in my heart. Back in high school, I was known to be a very jolly girl who always has her joke ready. I go to school happily, never wanting to miss school even when I'm sick. College killed that girl. It changed her starting from within. It put a cloud of blues upon her head which follows her everywhere, striking a lighting which casts a shadow of lonesome and melancholic.

Since that very first day of college, all I do is think about the what ifs and the road not taken. Right now, I am a mess that probably no one could manage.